Why Should I Care About Myself At All?

Blinding, hidden, secret, non-existent, bad, gross, private, forbidden, desperate, needy, wanting, can't have, turn away and walk away. All of these words are words that I often feel as I have walked through life.

Ever since I found out I was diagnosed with HIV I sensed a need to be secretive about who I was and the disease that I now have to live with. Sure, I did this to myself and don't necessarily have a reason as to why. Maybe it was out of desperation to feel wanted or a need to run from my over-religious life. Perhaps it was a way for me to hurt myself more than I felt others were hurting me even though they didn't realize the pain they were causing me. Maybe I did it to myself knowingly...maybe I was looking for myself...and figured this may give me purpose.

Currently in a relationship, I have come to value myself worth a lot more and realize I am not so crazy. This has given me reason to question my behavior and the behavior of those who were around me during that time. It also gives me answers on how to help others who may have these feelings of uncertainty of who they are and help those around them learn to support them. Each of us is valuable in this world and as we come to realize that things can change in our lives and others. Being gay and religious has its ups and downs...and as one who believes in a greater power...it is important that those who may not have the same sexual beliefs as myself...at least know how to speak to those like me and build them rather than hurting them. Whether you are gay or not - or HIV positive or not - or have Cancer or not - or Diabetic or not. When one is learning of one's sexual orientation or disease it is important that all who surround them take the time to learn what it is and accept them for who they are. The worst thing we can do as human beings is place judgement on anyone...judgement will cause an individual to feel hurt and run in a direction that is harmful to themselves...so I beg of you to reach out and accept all who are around you.

I think the most damage I have done in my life happened due to a lack of acceptance in me...and if those I were closest with couldn't accept me...than why should I care about myself at all.

ACCEPTANCE...is a valuable lesson in this life...many have a difficulty in doing just that...truly accepting other people and their ways of life.

My one hope from this message is that those who read it give value to who they, their brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, cousins and friends are...and pull away the list of words from above...and simply accept all in your lives.

Sincerely,

One Who Was Damaged

Welcome To The Front Lines

AIDS.

Just like the disease itself, where a T cell first learns to recognize an enemy before meeting one, some of us are guilty of doing the same to our brothers and sisters. Why does a T cell let in the Aids virus without fighting it? Why are we letting our brothers and sisters die without helping them fight? We should be on the front line of the battle. But this isn’t my battle you say…

The disease of our time isn’t Aids, it is judgment, which leads to intolerance, which leads to hate. Hatred is the spiritual malignancy of our species and like the most vicious disease, does its most awful work not outwardly but within us. It is killing our children. They will inherit what we bequeath to them. Is this not your battle?

The word AID itself means to help. To help is to love. To love unconditionally is to love without any condition. When we love another we want to understand their fight and fears. We want the knowledge to help illuminate their path. We want the armor to protect them. Only love can undo what has been done. Do it for ourselves, but more importantly for our children. There is no greater gift that we can give them than to do what God has asked us to do: love one another.

If you love someone, then this IS your battle. Welcome to the front lines. This is where miracles will happen.

Peacefully,

Cuz who luvs

Numbing Medicine

"Culture does not change because we desire to change it. Culture changes when the organization is transformed; the culture reflects the realities of people working together every day."
— Frances Hesselbein

Change is the theme of this blog and rightly so. Change is something people have a hard time dealing with. We get set in our ways and stunt our growth as a society. This is what I'd like to talk about.

As a young girl I loved playing "Boys chase Girls" on the playground. One day I was running full speed ahead with an enemy (a boy) inching up ever so close behind me into the safe zone (girls bathroom) when I tripped and fell right at the entrance just as the door was closing. As would be my luck my leg became the door stop and I was stuck with the door on my leg and that same leg being pulled by the boys and my arms being pulled by the girls. With in a second I realized my leg was NOT okay, in fact it hurt, a lot! So I screamed for my fellow classmates to let me go and as the did and the door opened we found the source to my pain. A gashing hole all the way to my bone. I needed stitches.

Fall back a few days before this incident. I was told a story in church that back when the pioneers got hurt they didn't have pain medicine to relieve their discomfort. It had to do with the lesson I was being taught although I don't remember much of it but I do remember not thinking much about it maybe just a "oh, that's to bad" sort of thought, but not much after that.

When my teacher saw the hole she made a comment that put fear into me. "It's deep enough that you are going to have to get stitches". Never having had stitches I could only think the worst! I just knew it was going to hurt!

But it didn't. In fact, I didn't feel a thing. Because they gave me a shot to numb the pain.

See medicine progressed from the pioneer days to the day of my incident and how thankful I was that it had!

And so I wish this same progression and continued allegiance to finding a cure for the HIV virus. Sure we have medicine that will help our loved ones live longer but we haven't found a cure.

It's still a serious disease. One not to be taken lightly or overlooked.

As a mother I don't want to have to worry about it for my children. I want their to be progression... I want their numbing medicine.

As a sister of someone with the HIV virus I want people to continue to find a cure.

It shouldn't be pushed in the background to fade as something unimportant because they have merely found a way to help those with the virus live longer.

Medicine should continue to progress until we have found a cure so that we can look back to this time as the "pioneer days".

So as the quote says, we must transform our culture by working together everyday to make our voice heard... to shout as loud as we can that HIV needs a cure!

Progression is my numbing medicine.

love,

A Mother and Sister who cares enough for change.

Make a difference and make some noice - HIV/AIDS

Dear Friends,

By simply ignoring the issue we fall farther and farther behind and more individuals will become infected with the disease. The Hiv/Aids community and friends must not hush themselves any longer. we must step forward and do something and say something.

Below are the estimates from 2007 regarding those currently living with HIV/AIDS. (sorry, I was not able to find the 2009 estimates.)

It is said that these estimates have raised to nearly 1.5 Million. Make a difference and make some noise! Join us!

Please read:

At the end of 2007, an estimated 455,636 people were living with AIDS in America (50 states plus the District of Columbia). The highest numbers were in California, Florida, New York State and Texas. Among the 50 states, the lowest numbers were in North Dakota, South Dakota, Montana and Wyoming.

In 2007, the District of Columbia reported a far higher rate of AIDS diagnoses than any other area (though the rate in the wider Washington area was surpassed by other metropolitan areas). A 2009 local government report found the capital city had an HIV prevalence rate of 3%, including figures as high as 7.2% for 40-49 year olds, and 6.5% for black males.¹

AIDS diagnosis rates in New York State, Florida and Maryland were much higher than the national average of 12.7 cases per 100,000 population per year.

In the 39 areas that have a history of confidential name-based HIV reporting, an estimated 263,936 people were living with HIV infection that had not progressed to AIDS. This number only includes people whose infection has been diagnosed and reported through the confidential name-based system.

According to the number of AIDS cases reported to the CDC, the 34 states with a history of confidential name-based HIV reporting represent approximately 66% of the US epidemic. For this reason, and because many HIV infections remain undiagnosed (or anonymously diagnosed and unreported) within the 39 areas, the total number of people living with HIV (and not AIDS) in the USA must be much higher.

The CDC estimates that around 1.1 million adults and adolescents are living with HIV in the USA, including those not yet diagnosed, and including those who have already progressed to AIDS. (http://www.avert.org/usa-states-cities.htm)

Nearly three decades of the HIV/AIDS epidemic and more than 45 million infections later

"I used to think that given the appropriate set of circumstances, mankind, when faced with the enormity of lost of life, will alter the course of human history and for the better, life for all human beings.

Nearly three decades of the HIV/AIDS epidemic and more than 45 million infections later, North and South have galvanized to sustain their respective positions. Despite so called "globalization' the gap is forever widening in a worldwide economic recession- formulated by the greed of all - profit makers and consumers.

My dreams.

Dream shattered: Bridging the gap between North and South

Dream shattered: Narrowing the gap to access care

Dream shattered: Raise the bar on the value of One life

And my optimism born amid the wave of death in silence during the 80's have sourly turned south in utter dismay and crushed the anchor of my greatest hopes." Marie Marthe

Marie has shared the devastation of what is now our current reality in America and throughout the world. So many have simply blinded themselves by the truth simply because there is now medicine that allows people to live longer lives with this disease. We are ever marching forward in this cause to make a difference and to speak out about the hard fact that this fight is not over. We need everyone's help to reach out to the youth, our friends, the web, TV and Film, country leaders, public icons and those we do not know to make smarter choices. If you feel you can help - please contact us directly and help us say something.

This is the beginning of many posts. Please return on Tuesday's and Thursdays of every week for commentary by Marie, Rance and many VIP's of this public and private world to observe how we move forward in our effort to make a difference and be that VOICE OF CHANGE.

Marie and Rance

The Voice Of Change Speaks Up

Rance Wright and Marie Saint Cyr are looking to head up a potential Non-Profit organization called "Voice of Change". There are many who are not comfortable with the HIV/AIDS conversation and for this reason we are seeing the rapid spread of the HIV/AIDS virus. We have not won the fight - there is still a struggle.

The Voice of Change hopes to be that voice to make an impact in this world helping not only those living with HIV/AIDS, but also helping those struggling with different diseases as well. "When we help others we may help our ourselves."

We hope in time to be a voice for all those who otherwise would not have a voice in this world and help build through simple and large campaigns a change and a difference for good.